Sometimes you fall down( stay a while), but rise from the ashes to never give in.

Hi. Longtime. No peep. It’s been a while( thank you so much Andy and Joe for my solid staind opening Segway). It’s been since 2018 since you heard from this blog. A lot has changed. A lot has happened within the course of four years. I have decided just to do a catch-up blog piece solely on myself before I dive right into writing about music and other cool jazz things.

Throughout the years I have received emotional and mental abuse from my own stepfather. It got worse when Trump was elected president. It’s caused my stepfather to believe everything the orange douche mc skat turd box spewed out of his fart box every ounce he got attention. My mom and I have been verbally abused for year’s and it got bad for my mom cause my stepfather became a controlling and stalkerish husband at the time. He tried to hire people to stalk and follow my mom around to catch my mom cheating. It got so bad my mom lost several friendships cause of him.

My mom and I during the year of 2020 besides the start of the pandemic which I have vaxxed only covid thing I will post here. Excited to see BVB again in March with MIW and INK with the Trinity of Terror tour. We made our exit plan. We got lucky finding the place I now live in. Besides going through this bullshit. In 2019, I focused on getting my last knee fixed so now I am bionic in both legs with having 2 rods each in both tibia bones. Plus in 2020 and 2021 I had numerous amounts of testing done to test for my autoimmune disease and to get a positive of seeing if there is a possibility of a leak or tiny hole in my nasal cavity that CSF fluid is coming out of. Unfortunately, both came out positive or inconclusive. It’s been tiring with constant doctors appointments. But it’s the best I can do to keep myself healthy.

May 8th, 2020 I was officially diagnosed with my rare migraine disease called Spontaneous Intracranial Hypotension. I wish I could have saw BVB and ITM that day instead. Sigh.

December 8th, 2020 my mother and I officially moved out of the toxic house that we were living in. It’s been over a year and one month since we have been out of that toxic house. It took me a while to get well a bit mentally. I am still not 100 percent. I will never be. I am okay with that. I am okay with not being 100 percent ever again. It’s what makes us human. I learned on tik tok of all places that I suffer from complex post-traumatic stress disorder. I also have your roundabout depression and anxiety.

My stepfather was incredibly abusive towards me for the last 4 to 5 months I lived with him. I never caught him being abusive to my cat. But I believe he was cause he flinches every time I pet him. It hurts my soul. He got physical with my mom several times. He slammed a door on me. He threw the freezer door at my face. His last insult to me was when he told me to get the fuck out of his house and never come again. He said it so cold and callously. He also said I was something he just raised.

I plan on getting into therapy but covid has fucked things up. So I receive it online. I just take it day by day just like I do with my chronic illnesses.

I am a warrior. I plan on kicking more ass cause I have been through so much bullshit. I am happy to announce I am 5 months and 3 weeks migraine suppressed after dealing with a migraine volcano since 2009. All thanks to the CGRP protein blocker Emgality one-month migraine shot,(medical science is lit). I also get botox for migraine every three months which is fun(not).

Stay tuned. I plan on doing an album review for Black Veil Brides, “The Phantom Tomorrow.”(no publish date, I am a disabled sloth and still need time on it.) Plus a plethora of things I want to do with this blog. I am happy to finally come out of hiatus and start writing again. :’)

If you supported me from the beginning or whenever. I love you all. Thank you so much. Thank you for sticking by my side while I dealt with personal things. You all are rockstars. With that go kick ass. Drink your H20 like Bobby Bushay wants you to. Eat your potatoes. Never give in. Never back down.

Mariah Hanna aka @chronicpotatobvbqueenwriter 🥔💜🖤

1/9/2022 *check about for sharing information. © @chronicpotatobvbqueenwriter

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence click this for the hotline and resources

My whole life I have battled medical issues: but I overcame every obstacle.

Hi, my name is Mariah. I have gone through so many medical issues through out my life. When I was young I gotten sick more than the average kids while growing up. I suffered and overcame Attention Deficit Disorder. I took medication for it till I was a sophomore in high school. I didn’t like the side effects what the medications gave me. One in particular gave me sleep insomnia and screwed up my sleep clock schedule. That medication is called Concerta. I don’t condone parents of kids who have ADD or ADHD to use medications first to solve the problem. Since kids of young ages have rapidly growing bodies and to have this chemical in their bodies is just wrong. I would seek different ways to cope with the ADD or ADHD. Here’s how I have managed to stay off the medication 10 years. Its hard for one to stay on task. Especially if you have ADD or ADHD. Ones brain is constantly active 24/7; 365. I have found that coffee and tea was a natural stimulant to keep one focused with ADD and ADHD. Sitting in front of the classroom was a great way to stay focused with what was going on the white board and what the teacher or college professor was doing. I find that in daily life people can slack off and things. I have this get everything important done when your an adult before play. If you have this mindset. You will be set to be successful in life. 

I have had female problems throughout my life. I just learn to deal with them. I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome last year after years of suffering horrible periods and cramps. I tried everything for them exercise and everything in the book but I finally consulted my doctor about it. If you want to know this personal story contact me on here or via on twitter @PotatoBVBQueen. I am open about my medical things but some of it to a certain extent. 

I also was bullied too thought out my life. With my learning disabilities and other outstanding disabilities. I have learned to stick up for myself. Bullying is not okay. I hope one day it is abolished. I got called several names. To many to mention here. I will make a post later on about my bullying story. But anyways, on too my biggest medical obstacle I have ever overcame and still am struggling till this day. 

I was enjoying my last year of high school the best I could. I was overjoyed that I made it to my senior year of high school cause the doctors told me that I would never receive a high school diploma or go to college. I DID BOTH. Not to mention I got accepted into my nursing program. With being diagnosed with ADD. Until one day in November of 2009 changed my life forever. I was seemingly ordinarily teenager like everyone else listening to music like Black Veil Brides, Avenged Sevenfold, Atreyu, etc. Doing ordinary teenage stuff until that day came I got excruciating headaches. The pain is almost undescribable. Some days I just want to sleep the whole day through or just lay in my famous awkward position that semi helps. lol. But as the title of this blog aptly puts I overcome every obstacle. The pain in my head hurts so bad that I sometimes pass out or black out from intense pressure that has built in my head. I have gone to 10 Neurologists and one Neurosurgeon. I have been admitted 12 times in the hospital for my severe headaches. Some of the doctors think its “All in my head” and I am simply their to get pain killers cause they think I am pain killer addict when simply I am not. I go their for answers but simply get turned down cause I am an unsolved mystery. Until I met my one neurologist. Dr. Dunn. He has helped me tremendously and has gotten me on a path to probably solving or helping cure some of my headaches. 

To everyone that is reading this. I have rare headache syndrome called Spontaneous Intracranial Hypotension. 60 people in the world have this rare syndrome. 1 in 50,000 births have this rare disease. Its potentially life threatening. I got diagnosed with this last year as well. It forever changed my life March of 2011 of months of going through hell with the doctors and the headaches weren’t getting any better. But I stayed positive and strong throughout the whole thing. Music, family, and friends helped through that difficult time in my life. 

I had to get a spinal tap with this as well. Plus several CAT SCAN’s and MRI’s. Luckily one of the MRI’s should my rare syndrome. I was born with tiny veins through out my body. It is extremely difficult to retrieve blood from me for tests. 

Plus with my headaches I have had other medical issues as well that has been associated with my severe headaches. I have severe Gastro-intestinal issues, GERD( Gastro-Esophageal Reflux Disease),  and feet pain issues which is called Athromylagia. 

The doctor said I have microscopic CSF( Cerebrospinal Leak) in my head somewhere since their is no one in my spinal column. I had to take a test and my left nostril was negative and my right nostril was positive for the leak. 

I have to be knocked out for my next test before I have brain surgery to fix the leak. The ENT has to pack my nostrils and pour contrast up their to see if they can find the leak that way if they do. Then they will set my brain surgery. I am fully confident that the doctors are going to help cure some of my headache pain. I am very strong and positive about everything. 

I also have taken several medications for my severe headaches but I have become immune to them that I have just resorted to suffering with the pain. Pain medication just coat the issue. Plus one can get addict. So I have forced myself to cope and deal with all these issues with out any pain medication what so ever. I would like to say my headaches are like a hangover but without the alcohol involved. 

I also was diagnosed with Chronic Migraine Daily Syndrome. If I have to life with a life long headache for the rest of my life, I sure as hell need to make it great, positive, awesome, amazing, and phenomenal experience. Cause what is life with a self wallowing pity party. With my headaches it has inspired me and also helped me find what I want to do with my life in the future. 

I want to become a disabilities psychotherapist for the elderly and children of all ages. My life’s mission is to help others and make others feel good about themselves. If you are reading this you are amazing. Know someone out their loves you for who you are. 

I also want to add that the pain that I have gone through for 2 plus years has gave me some depression. I have had my bouts with suicidal thoughts but I have overcame them.

I am so glad that I have gotten this all blogged out. If you have read this blog. Thank you for doing so. I plan on doing great things in the future with all this. But right now I am currently on a Speed Bump in my life. Everyone has them. This won’t be last one neither.

I live by the saying “Shit Happens” shit does happen for reason. Either in a funny way or a bad way. I say it numerous times a day. Plus my other famous saying “You get shit in one hand and roses and tulips in the other” lol.

On my end note. I want everyone that has read this think to themselves. Be grateful for what you have in your life. Cause someone else out their has it worse than you. Don’t take shit from no body. You all are amazing. Know that somewhere out their someone loves you. Some way somehow we are all connected together by common roots and grounds. Life has brought me beautiful things to see in life. I don’t take nothing for grant.

I wish all of you the best in health, life, and endeavors. Vibes from Potatoland. Know that YOU are worth it and best of wishes. 

With lots of love, 

Mariah L, Hanna 8/11/2012 *Revised 2/9/2017 

Words by Mariah L, Hanna: If you steal from me I will haunt you down and make you give my words back and potatoes.