Devils Choir: A trials and tribulations of one BVB army member

“You’ve been running for so long, still breathing,
Hoping soon to find a song worth singing.
Every chapter of this note, they’re reading,
But you’re slowly losing hope on bleeding.

I’ll carry you, my darkest desire.
When life sings to you through devil’s choirs.
F.E.A.R. won’t steal what burns in you,
I’ll carry you away from the fire.

My desire, devil’s choirs
My desire, devil’s choirs

Raise another broken glass to failure,
A simple promise of a crimson saviour.
Take a look into the life you’re leaving,
I promise you this isn’t pain you’re feeling

I’ll carry you, my darkest desire
When life sings to you through devil’s choirs.
F.E.A.R. won’t steal what burns in you,
I’ll carry you away from the fire.
Wow!

Come on!

I’ll carry you, my darkest desire
When life sings to you through devil’s choirs.
F.E.A.R. won’t steal what burns in you,
I’ll carry you away from the fire.

My desire, devil’s choirs
My desire, devil’s choirs
My desire, devil’s choirs
My desire, devil’s choirs”

In that video Andy Biersack explains to you the readers what the song “Devils Choir” on Wretched and Divine:The Story of the Wild Ones means. The song hits every home run with me medically, emotionally, mentally, and everything that has gone on in my life in the course of 4 plus years I have been battling really serious medical issues. I also provided above the lyrics to “Devils Choir” inside the article I will explain what part of “Devils Choir” forever changed my life. If only I can speak positively enough of about Black Veil Brides as whole. They mean the world to me in so many ways alone with the BVB army know as “The Legion of the Black”.

I am about to open up to the BVB army about what is going on with me and I am hoping I can help some people out if some of the members of the BVB army are suffering these diseases. I don’t like to open up that often about these things cause it’s quite horrible to deal with and very personal at times to talk about. But its time to open up some what to a group of my peers of what is going on.

This week has been one emotional roller coaster to me. I just celebrated my one year anniversary of becoming a BVB fan this Monday on January 27th. A year ago from that day was anything but unhappy and unfortunate from that until BVB came into my life on that day at 11:00 something that night. I had planned to kill myself and take all my sleeping pills known as Trazadone at the time. Reason why I planned to kill myself?

I was tired of being in pain. Severe pain to even put a 600 hundred pound bully to his knees and cringe in pain. I wouldn’t dare wish my headache pain not even on my enemies. My headaches usually range from 5 on the headache pain scale to about 9-10 being at its ultimate worst. It feels like sledgehammers, rocks, blowtorches, and people beating the fuck out of me. The pain gets so bad that I have to go to the emergency room at least 6-7 times a year.

Lets rewind a bit. Back to November of 2009 when my forever permanent headache started to begin. I was a senior in high school at the time. I woke up one day in November of 09’ with it and its the same headache I have now that has never went away. No relief. No cure. No answers by doctors who I went to seek help too. I am labeled what is known as “The problem child” in medicine. I have been to 10 neurologists and they don’t know why someone would just randomly wake up one day with the worlds worst headache on the planet and its never gone away.

The medical doctors who have helped me out to the best of there ability have done wonders for me though. Putting me on the right path to finding answers as to why I got my headaches to begin with.

I have been through a lot within the last 4(6 now) plus years I have been dealing with these horrible headaches. Who has not go through something terrible in their lives. It’s not easy. But one always has to know to keep their head up high in moments of bad and horrible situations. I have that “Never give in, Never back down” attitude about life.

I have 8 major health conditions(Now 2 years later 15 sadly). 4 being life threatening. The rest being severe to minor health conditions. I have one health condition impending(Getting medical testing done at the moment to figure out what is seriously wrong with me) Test tesults came back positve that I had the condition.I have been through the ringer of sorts with medical conditions from birth to now.

I don’t live a normal 22-year-old life now 24. Normal people my age are out partying and doing those things. I prefer to sit at home and party on the internet with a glass of water. I have a very reclusive life. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs, party, etc. I am pretty plain person. So my version of “Wild” is what you are reading right now. Way to kick the negative in the ass. Plus I have to prepare weeks in advance to do something fun like a concert or a family outing. My headaches are 24 hour, 7 days a week, and 365 days consumes me whole with debilitating pain that hurts so bad that I can’t get out of bed at all but I have too.  I succumbed to an over the counter pain pill addiction that I kept secret to even the family members that live with me. Until a doctor told me in Seattle on March 22nd of last year that if I didn’t stop my over the counter cocktail pain pill addiction. I would be in a coffin six feet under. That alone scared the shit out of me. I did not even know at the time I had this addiction. I am happily ceased all over the counter pain medication that if I do need to take it. It’s under very huge restrictions and medical guidance. Chronic Migraineur’s often do not know what I did without knowing the chemicals and toxins that are slowly killing them. They go on in life with their daily life not knowing their fate could be soon. I am glad to have met the doctor who gave me the tools to save my own life and end my very painful “Invisible addiction” I am very thankful and fortunate. I am currently 11 months clean this month on the 22nd a year next month on the 22nd. It has not been easy but I kicked the addiction in the ass.

I also was given hell by emergency room doctors. Basically “Outcasting” me as a freak and telling me “Its all in my head” which I know my severe pain is in my head but they were referring me to as crazed lunatic their for drugs on the times I visited the ER when my headaches and stomach pains get really bad. I almost once got referred to the fifth floor cause of my severe diseases. I never let it get to me though because I knew I was not anything they were terminologically or wronging me about. Again with the “Never give in, Never back down.” attitude that I was naturally born with as a strength.

I have lived everyday what I refer to as “Hell on earth.” But I don’t let this get to my spirit and get me down. I was not dealt with the greatest genetics on the planet. But I was given a heart of gold and the strength and courage of a lion.

Now I am going to talk about what part of “Devils Choir” that forever changed my life. The line “Take a look into the life you’re leaving, I promise you this isn’t pain you’re feeling” hit me to the core. Core so deep that it resonated with me. Andy wrote the song seeing people he cared about destroying themselves with drugs or alcohol. But what Andy does not know is that with this song and these lyrics he has helped the other side. People who have destroyed themselves cause of pain that one can’t control. Pain that they were genetically encoded like I was to suffer for the rest of my days and their days in not knowing if there is relief at the end of the tunnel or any hope at all for pain to leave us chronic pain suffers alone.

What I am trying to say is. Andy words made me fall in love with Black Veil Brides in such a way that words can’t explain.  I will forever for the rest of my days back the message of Black Veil Brides and who they are as people. My full support, love, dedication, admiration, gratefulness, gratitude, and thankfulness go out to BVB. This also intertwines with the song “Carolyn” which personally touches me deeply and I send my thoughts, heart, prayers, and support to Jake Pitts family who knew his late mother, Carolyn. I can’t explain in words how emotional and mentally enthralling it is to listen to Black Veil Brides music everyday. I am overjoyed by it.

“I promise you this isn’t pain you’re feeling” my interpretation of it is I have been through a hell of a lot and to have a few seconds of hearing through song that I will be okay in the end and there is hope. Makes me believe in the quote “Faith in humanity”. My love and support goes out to the five guys who work their asses off and make such wonderful music. I am overjoyed listening to each and every BVB song out their.

The hardships the BVB army members go through is incredible for me to read and its an honor to be shared their personal feats. Life ain’t easy. It’s what you make of it. I decided to make mine kick ass the best of my ability even the my genetic cards are not the best. I am happy, blessed, and overjoyed to have inspired so many people on the interwebs. I love you all. I do my best that I can. I show my sunshine and you guys and gals give it right back 10x more. It means a great deal to me. Your support and kindness is never took for grant by me.

I am proud to be a Black Veil Brides fan. In that I am proud to represent them around my town in the t-shirts I purchased of theirs. I get the bad comments from the haters. LOL. Then I get the open-minded and lovely fan compliments on my t-shirts everywhere I go. I love that.

Black Veil Brides music is so very personal to me sometimes that I can’t talk about it or be open about it. But I am. I express myself in ways that I have never expressed myself before. BVB got me out of my shell. They have really made my creative mind of words “Take it to the next level” *Hand Rocket* I am very pleased and grateful for everything they have taught me and given to me in advice form.

I hope you the reader has found your niche in the world. Whether it be writing, art, singing, dance, etc. Whatever YOU set your mind to. I know in my heart YOU can do it. Cause I am living and breathing proof that miracles happen. I am not supposed to be alive actually. But I am. I have faced medically feats that even stun doctors. Always remember this quote “Someone else has it way worse than you?” that is what drives me everyday to what I want in life and that is to become a successful rock and roll journalist.

It is that time that I have to wrap up this article. Thank you for taking the time to read it. I know people have busy lives nowadays. So it means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to read what I wrote. Always remember “You’re Not Alone” I know a lot of you feel lonely in the world but we really aren’t if you think about it. We all have similar commonalities whether it be something stupid or very serious. Always remember my quote “Don’t have a party pooper attitude, Never give up.” cause no one wants a party pooper in their party or someone who has a sour puss attitude about life when really it will be alright in the end.

I PROMISE YOU THIS ISN’T PAIN YOUR FEELING, Cause really with this song is my pseudo pain-killer and in the end we will all be alright. I BELIEVE THAT WE ALL FALL DOWN SOMETIMES, Cause its okay to cry it all out and you will be okay in the end. IF I FALL I WILL RISE BACK UP AND RELIVE MY GLORY. Cause we all need redemption and self-worth “In The End”

Written By: Mariah L. Hanna

Copyright @PotatoBVBQueen 2/9/14, Updated 6/18/2016

*See about for ‘Journalist Note’

Second Chances: A Black Veil Brides and BVB Army dedication!

I was inspired by this article by Mandy on twitter. She has helped me among others counsel me to the point where they helped get rid of the BVB hater I once was. This month will be my one year anniversary of being in the BVB army what better way to celebrate it than in a positive light and in teaching or advice manner. Mandy, Amy, and Cindy helped me and give me that well need slap or cold water in my on my face to wake my up. They talked me out of the guilt and shame of being a past BVB hater. The passed is no more and I am ready to live the future and present. Without them I have no clue what I would do. I will express my opinions, advice, and inspiration to people who are afraid to take that step into giving things a second chance even if you absolutely hated it before. I will talk about my experience and counter-act it so that you the reader can use it as your own advantage point to try new music, food, etc.

On January 27th of last year was forever a changing day in my life. I planned on ending my life that day but I ended up killing the BVB hater that was inside of me. I had written my suicide note in full on a document on my computer and obituary. I was going to end my life cause I was tired of being in pain all the time twenty-four seven three hundred sixty-five days out of the year due to my permanent headache conditions that make life a living hell. It wasn’t till a cancer scare sent me over the edge to further go with my plans of doing the disheartening deed. It wasn’t until my plans go intercepted by a band that I did not particularly like at the time I was at my wit’s end. All lost hope was gone. I clicked on they’re video cause I was in a shitty rock bottom mood. But what happened was beautiful. I am still lost for words on it. Andy spoke to me the fucking BVB hater who was going through shit that his fan base has some struggles with. Him and his band mates reached their hand out to me. Told me it was okay. Sometimes we all fall down. To never give in, never back down all in the music video “In The End”. Every inch of my heart that falsely hated BVB was filled with love, admiration, inspiration, respect, and support. They rose me from the ashes and helped guide me on that path that I should have been on cause I was a lost soul for years. I am proud to be a BVB army family member. I have been utterly blessed with love each day by the lovely members of BVB army and who they are as people. I love them all so very much. With all my heart.

YOU the reader can rise from the ashes and have your New Years Day too. Again try new things. Unlike I did I tried a band out for a “Second” time in a disheartening circumstances. BVB where their when I needed someone the most. They understood me and understood what I was going through.  They still even help me out. I can’t believe the wonder and power behind their music. They are one of a kind band. One that can’t be re-created. They have that spark, powerhouse, and magic about them that makes them such an epic fucking band live and I can’t even explain it on CD.

Many people have asked me, told me, or yelled at me. Why do you like this band? Black Veil Brides is a faggot ass band why do you like them so much? You should kill yourself if you like Black Veil Brides so much? How on earth can you stand those freaks? Are you retard? Etc?

What I will aptly reply to all of that. Do your research about the band. Listen to their music. Get educated. Even before you come to me ask me those questions. It’s quite stupid day in and day out to read, hear, or behind someones back receive hate that is just stupid to begin with. So do the world a favor and get educated.

My thoughts on “Second Chances” everyone deserves them. Even the dreaded Black Veil Brides haters. Why? The BVB haters cause some of them are just guided into wrong crowds or social interactions in life. Plus some of the biased media plays a huge role in falsely making BVB haters. Some of the media asshats wants you to believe that BVB are monsters, their out to get you, they are terrible people, and they make shitty music. That they do so and so. When in doubt they do the exact opposite. People, bands, things, etc ALL deserve a “Second” chance whether you like it or not at the time. I absolutely hated BVB falsely not knowing the reasons I hated them were all plagued by the media and people I was hanging out with via the internet. I got rid of those people by extensive research, deleted people out of my life on my social medias, and then started my new life with the BVB army.

It’s quite simple go on the internet preferably on Spotify or YouTube. Type in keyword: Black Veil Brides, Potatoes, or what the fuck it is your afraid or need to put F.E.A.R in its asshole.  My whole world changed when the magic and love of Black Veil Brides music was let in my heart. It was a very beautiful day to be certain. I didn’t go see the clouds that day. The BVB hater that I was did. People who give “Second Chances” to things are amazing people.

It’s just like people who give a dog or kitty cat a “Second Chance” rescue them from the shelter and adopted them. It’s very heartwarming that the person or person’s took that animal into their home to give it love, shelter, and food. So why can’t this happen to people too. Give pets and people “Second Chances”. You may never know YOU might get a grumpy cat person to adopt or the next Lil Bub.

What has my “Second Chance” by allowing Black Veil Brides music into my heart. Its given me friends from all over the world I can count on. Its given me my life back. Its helped me find my person. Its helped me find who I am in the world. Its helped me guide myself to finding my future career which you are reading the words now of it. Its has completed me. Its helped me in ways I can’t explain. I am forever grateful, thankful, and every most overjoyed Black Veil Brides and the BVB army came into my life. YOU all deserve some sort of potato plaque with loads of potato made products.

A “Second Chance” doesn’t mean the end of the world is coming. It means that you are open-minded and stepping out of the box of what is normal. People often think its okay to just live with monotonous lives. People can live that way. I have no problems with it all. To each their own and to their own opinions. Which by the way you are entitled to. I will respect it and you shall respect mine. But don’t have it so it crosses the line period. But people live such monotonous lives that they don’t even try. I am glad I have grown up with a sense of an open mind. So it’s not the end of the world to try something new. Even if it’s once in a while.

Even if you have to give it a third chance so be it. Do what you please. Sing the songs you love. Eat the food that pleases you. Do the activities that make you happy. Do what makes YOU happy. Cause at the end of the day, I am quoting Andy Biersack here, YOU are your own best fan and YOU don’t want to hurt that person. 😉 Treat YOU right. Get help for self harm, suicidal tendencies, etc. Cause its better to have done it verses than I am “Thinking about” it.

I truly hope the best for every one of my readers that comes along and reads my articles old and new. It means a lot to me. Each reader sincerely means the world to me. I can’t explain to all of you that. This is to some of the most lovely fans out their who believed in me when no one else did. Thank you. Here is to your “Second Chances” cause you all deserve them too from people. I wish you all the best wishes in the world along with Black Veil Brides and their families/friends.

I will wrap this article up telling you all what is coming up in with “The Potato Queen” in 2014.  I am hoping to go back to college this year to get a business degree and a minor in either English or creative writing. Preferably creative writing. I hope everything works out cause I had to take an infinite withdrawal from college back in 2011 for a while to get myself well cause I have 6 chronic illnesses and 5 of them are permanent. 2 are life threatening. I have been through so much medically and this a little glimmer of hope that I have for myself In hopes that I can make it in the world without feeling like a failure in society cause of being constantly sick as fuck 24/7 around the calendar. Nothing makes me proud and internally happy than writing. Knowing I have a huge potential in making it as a huge rock and roll journalist proves that “Second Chances” are infinite and real. It’s a true blessing and one that changed my life forever. To know I can get a degree that isn’t going to stress me the fuck out and put my health in to jeopardy is a blessing disguise. This all happened and in thank you’s of Black Veil Brides. I couldn’t thank them enough if I were to meet them face to face. They mean the world to me. I am happy and blessed that I became a loyal fan of theirs. I am overjoyed. Words can’t express my gratitude towards Black Veil Brides, what they stand for, and who they are because they are wonderful, epic , crazy, kind, gentle, beautiful, charismatic, cheerful, supportive, and loving human beings inside and out.

“The Potato Queen’s Articles, Reviews, and fun tiddly bits for 2014”

The Potato Queen’s top Albums for 2013

Reviewing Ronnie Radke’s mix-tape with various artists

Going to Review the hilarious Average Joe: Season 2

Review any band that wants me to review their music

Going to write a few medical pieces

Reviewing We Stitch These Wounds Re-Release whenever the announcement and release of it comes

Going to do small little inspiring articles while BVB is in studio producing CD number 4

January 27th is a little holiday with me. It’s the day I repented. Come celebrate with me on my twitter as I will think of something special to do for BVB that day in commemoration. It also marks a year that I haven’t had one single suicidal thought ever. It’s the small feats that counts. \m/

Throughout the year just keep checking my blog for updates, articles, rants, reviews, etc  to come your way. I am excited to start my journey as an amateur journalist. I send my love and wishes to everyone. Hope everyone has a Happy New Year. A kick ass one too.

Happy New Year and here is to “Second Chances” in 2014,

Written By: Mariah L. Hanna

Copyright @PotatoBVBQueen 1/8/14

*Journalists Note moved to About page in archives. Thank you for your concern. Best of wishes.

NEVER GIVE IN..NEVER BACK DOWN..NEVER GIVE IN..NEVER BACK DOWN…WHEN YOUR LIFE FEELS LOST(FIGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS!).. NEVER GIVE IN..NEVER BACK DOWN- BLACK VEIL BRIDES